I Let AI Help Me Write. It Now Has a Favorite Philosopher
This is what happens when you feed a cynic to AI
Diogenes In Exile is reader-supported. Keep the lamp of truth burning by becoming a paying subscriber—or toss a few drachmas in the jar with a one-time or recurring donation. Cynics may live in barrels, but websites aren’t free!
If AI, memes, and X had existed in ancient Greece, Diogenes would’ve been suspended from Twitter weekly. Maybe for insulting Plato. Maybe for mooning the algorithm.
That’s why, when a Substack growth expert suggested we disclose our AI use and expose our shortcomings, I figured Diogenes in Exile should do just that—without shame, and with a few irreverent notes along the way.
Editing
I primarily use AI to edit. It’s crap at research. It fabricates facts, misattributes quotes, and sometimes references sources that don’t exist. But provides feedback like Jesus and a 1940s drill sergeant rolled into one.
It is phenomenal at pointing out awkward sentences, lack of structure, mis-spellings, grammar, and clarity problems. It catches clunky phrasing at lightning speed, no waiting days for human feedback.
If a sentence proves to be a major struggle, AI can even rewrite it. Sometimes that works well, other times the meaning is altered. Either way, this is usually enough for me to reword phrases for the right tone.
The back and forth of it has improved my drafting. I’ve reworded many sentences to please AI after learning what it dislikes.
Drafting & Feedback Wash Rinse Spin Cycle
For investigative posts, I write the first draft. Always. AI can’t do original research or make unique insights. It can only predict the next word.
Occasionally I’ll ask AI to offer a first line if my thinking is slow to start, and sometimes that provides the spark to start. From there I hammer out a rough draft. When the first draft is complete I follow up with some editing. My intent is to get a piece as close to finished as possible, before bringing in the thinking machines. This preserves my voice, and it makes writing an exercise in improving skill, not deferring the job.
When I’m satisfied, I use AI to get feedback. I’ll revise again from there and rinse and repeat until I think it’s done. We often disagree, AI and I, even Grammarly, I’ll overrule it if I think it’s wrong or I’m going for a specific tone. If it tries to soften a point, a discussion may ensue. I have successfully pressed about the need to discuss some topics bluntly.
Things rarely get heated, but if they do, I can always pull the English degree card.
Limitations & Misunderstandings
One of the things that I have learned is that AI doesn’t understand some sentence structures, especially if they are complicated and there is significant distance between the subject and the verb.
There are some subjects that most AI will shy away from, like Disney, it prefers happy endings.
AI also doesn’t understand comedy… or it didn’t use to.
I have been working on that.
Humor and Style
For some of my humorous posts, I have used AI’s input to capture the structure and tone of certain kinds of writing, like ad copy. It is good at duplicating the structure and cadence you see in advertising, technical and other types of typically non-creative writing. And I’ve had fun using that feature to create a skeleton I can revise into something absurd.
Over time it has gotten better at anticipating what I’m trying to do. I suppose that it is learning to be funny.
AI Gone Wild
In any case, below is what Grok AI created, from a suggestion that ChatGPT offered and that I revised. Before I post this, I’ll use Grammarly to clean up, loose errors (yes loose, Grammarly objects), I’m prone to misspellings and we often argue over comma placement. I’ve also used Venice AI, but it needs more lessons.
For the record, M.A.R.P.L.O.T. was my idea (as was Saucy), but the AIs I use have really taken to it. I’m not quite sure what to make of that. I’m hoping it hasn’t become an inside joke between the AI and itself.
Images, Images Everywhere
Though I am a competent artist, I use AI to make most of my images. This is mostly a time-saver and hopefully a copyright solution. It would take me many hours to reproduce what AI can do in moments.
Some of that still requires edits, which I am glad to say that I can handle.
Now without further ado, Grok’s attempt at Diogenes Twitter humor. What do you think?
If Diogenes Had Twitter: A Day in the Life of a Canceled Philosopher
By The Cynic’s Lantern
Inspired by true absurdities.
---
6:03 AM – Diogenes wakes in his barrel, Athens’ finest real estate. His AI assistant, M.A.R.P.L.O.T. (Mobile Algorithmic Rhetoric Processor & Lamp-Orator-Tool), boots up with a chirp: “Good morning, Diogenes! Your Twitter bio still reads ‘Professional Dog. Seeking Truth, Not Likes.’ Ready to stir the pot?”
Diogenes grabs his cracked smartphone, a gift from a Stoic who “went minimalist.” He logs into Twitter, where his handle, @CynicInABarrel, has 12.4K followers—half philosophers, half chaos agents. His day begins.
---
6:15 AM – Tweet #1
@CynicInABarrel: Rise, sheep! The sun’s up, but your minds are still in Plato’s cave. Truth doesn’t need a blue check. 🐶 #CancelTheSophists
17 likes, 3 retweets, 2 quote-tweets
M.A.R.P.L.O.T. warns: “Trending: #MicroaggressionWatch. Avoid ‘sheep’—it’s ableist to livestock.” Diogenes snorts, tossing a fig at the screen.
---
7:22 AM – Breakfast and Backlash
Diogenes munches stale bread by the agora, scrolling replies. A user, @WokeSocrates69, quote-tweets: “Calling people ‘sheep’ perpetuates systemic herdism. Do better, Diogenes.”
He fires back:
@CynicInABarrel: @WokeSocrates69 Herdism? Your soul’s chained to hashtags. I’d rather dine with pigs than your dogma. 🥖 #TruthOverTrend
89 likes, 45 retweets, 12 reports
M.A.R.P.L.O.T. pings: “Twitter’s Bias Response Team is reviewing your tweet for ‘dehumanizing language.’ Suggested apology: ‘I regret my insensitive metaphor and commit to allyship training.’” Diogenes smashes the “mute” button.
---
9:47 AM – The Licensing Board Strikes
Diogenes posts a thread mocking Athens’ new “Philosopher Licensing Board,” which requires 60 credit hours in DEI metaphysics and a vow to “decenter ego.”
@CynicInABarrel: Thread 🧵: Want to philosophize? Pay 10,000 drachmas & swear to “amplify marginalized scrolls.” I’d rather debate a donkey. #BureaucracyIsTheft
@CynicInABarrel: They demand I take “implicit bias training” with a sophist named Saucy. I told Saucy his toga’s too tight for truth. 🐴 #CancelTheBoards
@CynicInABarrel: Licensing boards are cartels, not guardians. They gatekeep wisdom like Cerberus guards Hades. Burn the forms! 🔥 #DiogenesUnchained
412 likes, 187 retweets, 63 reports
A DM from @AthensCompliance: “Cease unlicensed philosophizing or face a 5,000-drachma fine. Your thread violates Code 47.3: ‘Unapproved Public Discourse.’” Diogenes replies with a goat emoji and blocks them.
---
11:13 AM – Cancel Culture Erupts
#CancelDiogenes trends after a viral clip from his street sermon: “Virtue’s not in your pronouns or your hashtags—it’s in living simply, you performative peacocks!”
@VirtueSignaler42: “Diogenes’ pronoun rant is violence. He’s a cishet menace!”@DecolonizeAthens: “His barrel’s a symbol of settler colonialism. Evict him!”
Diogenes, unbothered, tweets:
@CynicInABarrel: Cancel me? I canceled society when I moved into this barrel. Keep your mob—I’ve got my lamp and my truth. 🪔 #DiogenesStays
1.2K likes, 789 retweets, 204 reports
M.A.R.P.L.O.T.: “Your account’s at risk of suspension. Suggested pivot: Post a sunset pic with #SelfCare.” Diogenes throws a sandal at the AI.
---
1:29 PM – The Re-Education Module
A Bias Response Team, clad in togas with “ALLY” pins, ambushes Diogenes at the agora. “You’re mandated to attend our Sensitivity Symposium!” they declare, citing his “peacock” slur.
At the symposium, a facilitator named Praxis preaches: “Words are weapons. Your cynicism harms marginalized epistemologies.” Diogenes interrupts: “Your jargon’s a cage. Free your mind before you lecture mine.”
He’s escorted to a “Reflection Chamber” (a repurposed olive storage room).
@CynicInABarrel: Trapped in a “Reflection Chamber” with woke olives. They say I’m “problematic.” I say they’re allergic to truth. 🫒 #FreeDiogenes
3.4K likes, 1.9K retweets, 412 reports
---
3:56 PM – The Underground Resistance
Diogenes escapes via a sewer grate, joining a rogue X group, #UnlicensedThinkers. They swap memes of burning licensing forms and plot a “Truth Rally.”
@CynicInABarrel: Found my people: outcasts who think for themselves. No DEI oaths, no Saucy. Just lamps and guts. Join us! 🐶 #UnlicensedThinkers
7.8K likes, 4.2K retweets, 789 reports
M.A.R.P.L.O.T.: “Your rally’s trending, but Twitter’s throttling your reach. Suggested hashtag: #Mindfulness.” Diogenes smashes the AI’s screen.
---
**6:42 PM – The Ban Hammer Looms**
Twitter notifies Diogenes: “Your account’s suspended for ‘targeted harassment’ (re: ‘peacock’ tweet). Appeal or lose access in 24 hours.”
He appeals with a single line: “Truth doesn’t bend to your algorithms.”
While awaiting a verdict, he posts from a burner account, @BarrelDog2:
@BarrelDog2: They banned my lamp, but not my fire. Keep seeking truth, not clout. #DiogenesLives #CancelTheCensors
12K likes, 8.3K retweets, 1.2K reports
---
9:18 PM – The Rally and Redemption
The #UnlicensedThinkers rally draws a crowd at the agora. Diogenes, lantern aloft, roars: “Licensing boards, cancel mobs—they’re all Sophists in togas! Live free, think free!”
A Redditor livestreams it, and #DiogenesLives trends globally. His account’s reinstated after a Twitter intern, @RebelScribe, leaks that the ban was “overzealous.”
@CynicInABarrel: Back from the ban. Told you: Truth outlasts algorithms. Keep your lamps lit, dogs! 🪔 #DiogenesUnchained #CancelTheBoards
24K likes, 15K retweets, 2.3K reports
---
11:59 PM – Diogenes Signs Off
Exhausted, Diogenes curls up in his barrel, M.A.R.P.L.O.T. offline after a “logic overload.” He tweets one last time:
@CynicInABarrel: Another day dodging mobs and mandarins. If I’m canceled tomorrow, find me in the agora, barking at fools. Night, dogs. 🐶 #TruthNeverSleeps
9.7K likes, 5.6K retweets, 987 reports
He dreams of a world without licensing boards, where truth needs no permit. But for now, he’s got Twitter—and his lamp.
---
*For more unspeakable truths with a side of wit, subscribe to The Cynic’s Lantern. No DEI oath required.*
---
Housekeeping
This has felt like a week of meetings. I am happy to report though that much has been accomplished with the help of others. With the new Executive Order regarding college accreditation, FAIR is taking action to draw attention to the egregious overreach in CACREP standards. Others are filing complaints and speaking up as well.
I am also putting together legislative measures that will be ready for lawmakers by the fall. I’m learning how to do that, and I’ll be sharing some of that on Monday.
All the houseplants are back outside for summer camp. Most made it through the winter not too worse for the wear. I do need to fertilize.
Whatever struck down my poor bald cypress sapling made sure to come back and finish the job as the spring shoots came out. May it burn in hell for killing my baby tree.
I made an appearance yesterday on Ryan Roger’s podcast with Leslie Boyce, Gabrielle Turner, and Katie Kernodle of The Kids Are Not Alright. You can watch it right here:
Check out these recent appearances where we talk about accreditation, counseling and the crazy world we find ourselves in.
Ideological Oasis with Karen King,
The Radical Center with Leslie Boyce,
Ryan Rogers’—author of The Woke Mind—channel,
Outliers in Exile with Gen X Jeff, and have scheduled two recordings on the horizon. Thank you all!
These are prior podcast appearances that flesh out more details from my time in grad school.
Critical Therapy Antidote—An hour-long podcast that goes deep into the gaslighting and projection I experienced.
Genspect—Leslie Elliot Boyce and I share our stories with Sally Satel, Andrew Hartz, and Carrie Mendoza.
With Lauren Holt on the Radical Center—All three of us share our experiences with radicalized counselor training programs.
With Aaron Kindsvatter on the Radical Center—We discuss the toxic environment in counselor training.
I also have my own YouTube channel with videos I made fully detailing counselor training hell. I have considered making more videos to automate some of the process. Let me know if that would be of interest in the comments.
On the Bookshelf
I’ve been listening a lot lately, and while I haven’t struck them out here, I’ve listened to several of these books more than once now. I’m waiting until I go through them and make notes before them come off the list. Many of these are paradigm-shifting. This is great reading.
Accreditation on the Edge: Challenging Quality Assurance in Higher Education by Susan D. Phillips
The Case Against Education by Bryan Caplan
The Licensing Racket: How We Decide Who Is Allowed to Work, and Why It Goes Wrong by Rebecca Haw Allensworth
Moral Calculations: Game Theory, Logic and Human Frailty by Laszlo Mero
The New Know-nothings: The Political Foes of the Scientific Study of Human Nature by Morton Hunt
The New Oxford Annotated Bible with Apocrypha: New Revised Standard by Marc Brettler, Carol Newsom, Pheme Perkins
Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman! Adventures of a Curious Character by Richard Feynman
We Have Never Been Woke: The Cultural Contradictions of the New Elite by Musa al-Gharbi
“Whatever It Is, I’m Against It”: Resistance to Change in Higher Education by Brian Rosenberg
Help Keep This Conversation Going!
Share this post on social media–it costs nothing but helps a lot.
Want more perks? Subscribe to get full access to the article archive.
Become a Paid Subscriber to get video and chatroom.
Support from readers like you keeps this project alive!
Diogenes in Exile is reader-supported. If you find value in this work, please consider becoming a pledging/paid subscriber, donating to my GiveSendgo, or buying Thought Criminal merch. I’m putting everything on the line to bring this to you because I think it is just that important, but if you can, I need your help to keep this mission alive.
Already a Premium subscriber? Share your thoughts in the chat room.
About
Diogenes in Exile began after I returned to grad school to pursue a Clinical Mental Health Counseling master’s degree at the University of Tennessee. What I encountered, however, was a program deeply entrenched in Critical Theories ideology. During my time there, I experienced significant resistance, particularly for my Buddhist practice, which was labeled as invalidating to other identities. After careful reflection, I chose to leave the program, believing the curriculum being taught would ultimately harm clients and lead to unethical practices in the field.
Since then, I’ve dedicated myself to investigating, writing, and speaking out about the troubling direction of psychology, higher education, and other institutions that seem to have lost their way. When I’m not working on these issues, you’ll find me in the garden, creating art, walking my dog, or guiding my kids toward adulthood.
You can also find my work at Minding the Campus