The Candidate Who Finally Told the Truth: He’s Lying to You
An election ad for an age that prefers sincerity to integrity.
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Like many other Americans, I’ve taken in the recent election results with a mixture of bafflement and horror. Parts of our country have elected both a socialist/communist and a candidate who expounded on how he would enjoy seeing his opponent’s children die in their mother’s arms.
Wow guys… is this really where we are? Seriously?
But rather than let this get me down, I’ve decided to recognize this for the opportunity that it is! I mean, if this pair can get elected, anyone can do it! Right?!
You just need the right messaging. So, I’ve put together this little script for an ad. Do make use of it wisely.
[Scene: Warm, folksy town-hall lighting. A single spotlight on a smiling candidate in a crisp flannel shirt and a red tie that’s just a shade too expensive. Behind him, a hand-painted banner: “TOGETHER WE CAN PRETEND!” A shiny red shopping cart overflows with filet mignon, lobster tails, and little jars labeled “CAVIAR FOR THE PEOPLE.” Soft banjo music fades into a gentle Soviet waltz.]
Candidate (warm, neighbor-next-door voice, the kind that hands you a lemonade while picking your pocket, in a thick, exaggerated accent that mimics the local diction, whatever that is):
“Hey there, friends. Before I start, I wanna level with you. Real quiet-like. Just between us.
Every promise I’m about to make? Total fiction. I’m gonna say the words, you’re gonna cheer, and we both know I’m never gonna do a single one. That’s our little secret handshake, okay? Shhh. Don’t tell the cameras.
[pats the shopping cart like it’s a golden retriever]
“Alright! Listen up! I’m running for office – mayor, governor, president, whatever the hell it is this week.
You want empty promises? Done!
Free groceries for every family—every week, forever! Steak, lobster, those little chocolate oranges you can smack on the table… all on me! Well, on “the rich.” You know, the ones I’m having brunch with on Sunday.
[cups hand to mouth, stage whisper]
I’m one of the rich. Surprise! And I’ll definitely be among the elite after this election! But you’ll love it because I’m ‘your’ guy. Ready for more empty promises? How about….
Free healthcare—no premiums, no copays, shorter wait times than Disney World! You’ll feel like royalty.
[leans in, playful wink]
Royalty who still can’t get an ambulance when the grid goes dark, but the words—feel nice, right?
Free college! Every kid, every degree, even the ones that sound made-up. We’re forgiving every loan tonight!
[pretends to check watch]
Well, not tonight. After the election. Pinky-swear.
And the big finale—real power to the people! We’re taking over the banks, the oil companies, the whole shebang! Workers will run the show!
[pauses, sips from a comically oversized “World’s Best Proletariat” mug]
By “workers,” I mean my donors. And by “run the show,” I mean I get a lifetime board seat and a hammock in the Caymans.
Look, I could stand here and pretend I care about your problems. But we’re past that, aren’t we? You’re not here for solutions. You’re here for the tingle. That little shiver when someone says exactly what you want to hear, even when we both know it’s fairy dust.
So go ahead, cheer. Post the clip. Put my yard sign next to the one that’s already sun-bleached from the last guy who did this.
Because when the lights go out, when the shelves are empty, when the city’s doing that gentle orange glow on the horizon… I’ll be 30,000 feet above it all, clinking champagne with the same billionaires I just promised to eat.
And you’ll still be telling your kids, “At least we stuck it to the man.”
[soft smile, blows a kiss]
Spoiler: I am the man.
[turns to the shopping cart, pulls out a single lobster, holds it up like Simba]
Vote for me, comrades. The lobster’s plastic, the promises are hollow, but the feeling? Priceless.
[Screen fades to black. White text on red, gentle typewriter font:
“Paid for by Friends of Honest Hypocrisy.
Because nothing feels as good as being lied to by someone who admits it.”]
[Final audio: soft applause, someone in the crowd whispers, “He gets it,” followed by the faint sound of a private jet taking off.]
Housekeeping
It’s been a busy week. The Whitelash study I covered back in August has seen follow up in the College Fix, and the Chronicle of Higher Education, and in a way that takes FAIR’s OCR complaint seriously, as it should. While I didn’t get mentioned in the Chronicle’s piece I was interviewed for it, and I’m proud of the part I played in making the OCR complaint happen. Now we see what happens.
Poppet and I saw a hawk during our walk.
And we saw some deer tracks. Poppet paw for scale.
On the Bookshelf
So what do you do when you still haven’t finished your reading? Why you add another book to the pile! I’ve been listening to American Nations for the past two weeks and decided to finally claim it fully. Yes I keep listening to it over and over, but if I’m being honest, from time to time I tune out. That’s why I don’t take any off the list until I’ve done a thorough read through with post-it note pointers. Is that a problem?
Accreditation on the Edge: Challenging Quality Assurance in Higher Education by Susan D. Phillips
American Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America by Colin Woodard
The Case Against Education by Bryan Caplan
The Licensing Racket: How We Decide Who Is Allowed to Work, and Why It Goes Wrong by Rebecca Haw Allensworth
Moral Calculations: Game Theory, Logic and Human Frailty by Laszlo Mero
The New Know-nothings: The Political Foes of the Scientific Study of Human Nature by Morton Hunt
The New Oxford Annotated Bible with Apocrypha: New Revised Standard by Marc Brettler, Carol Newsom, Pheme Perkins
Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman! Adventures of a Curious Character by Richard Feynman
We Have Never Been Woke: The Cultural Contradictions of the New Elite by Musa al-Gharbi
“Whatever It Is, I’m Against It”: Resistance to Change in Higher Education by Brian Rosenberg
Your Consent Is Not Required by Rob Wipond. ←— READ THIS BOOK!
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About
Diogenes in Exile began after I returned to grad school to pursue a master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the University of Tennessee. What I found instead was a program saturated in Critical Theories ideology—where my Buddhist practice was treated as invalidating and where dissent from the prevailing orthodoxy was met with hostility. After witnessing how this ideology undermined both ethics and the foundations of good clinical practice, I made the difficult decision to walk away.
Since then, I’ve dedicated myself to exposing the ideological capture of psychology, higher education, and related institutions. My investigative writing has appeared in Real Clear Education, Minding the Campus, The College Fix, and has been republished by the American Council of Trustees and Alumni. I also speak and consult on policy reform to help rebuild public trust in once-respected professions.
Occasionally, I’m accused of being funny.
When I’m not writing or digging into documents, you’ll find me in the garden, making art, walking my dog, or guiding my kids toward adulthood.