The Quiz That Explains Why Your ‘Helpful’ Comments Annoy Everyone
Meet the Hair Splitter, the Puppetmaster, and other critic archetypes—then learn what your defenses are really up to.
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They say that two people can bond quicker over something they both hate than something they both enjoy. And who doesn’t on occasion take a certain satisfaction in delivering a timely and clever solid burn? Truth be told, this sort of thing likely serves a purpose when directed in ways that address callous or craven behavior in others. Calling out problems can lead to needed reforms.
Like most things about human nature, criticism is more complex the more we look at it. The delicious enjoyment of a righteous rebuke can become a tempting habit or a thinking shortcut that helps us reassure ourselves and maintain our status in a very uncertain world.
While those motives do have their appeal, they can also come at a cost. Take, for instance, the work of Dr. John Snow (no relation to the guy from Game of Thrones, though equally misunderstood).
A Short Detour to Victorian England
In 1854, during the Broad Street cholera outbreak in London, he carefully mapped out the instances of disease, ultimately tying the plague back to the Broad Street pump. Prior to Snow’s documentation, it was believed that cholera was caused by a miasma of bad air. Pasteur wouldn’t propose germ theory until 1851.
The Ghost Map, written by Steven Johnson, is a gripping account of this event and the struggle afterwards to convince people that cholera was indeed waterborne.
The Broad Street water pump was noted for the delightful flavor of its water, a detail that exacerbated the outbreak, both with people sharing the water over great distances and with fighting efforts to shut down the pump. Even when Snow’s documentation stood as rock-solid proof, pointing to the water as the only commonality between all of the cholera cases, some criticized his idea as farfetched.
While Snow was successful in getting the pump shut off, the London Board of Health ultimately blamed bad air for the outbreak. Medical luminaries like Florence Nightingale pooh-poohed the idea of a waterborne cause, and it would take more than a decade for Snow’s theory to begin to gain acceptance, with some like Nightingale not coming around until nearly 30 years later.
One wonders if tears were shed for the lives that may have been saved had Snow’s evidence been accepted sooner.
Know Thyself
The ancient Greeks thought it important enough to inscribe that maxim, Know Thyself, on the temple of Apollo. Since the human drive to criticize is unlikely to change anytime soon, perhaps we can take a page from our Greek ancestors and learn to know this part of ourselves better.
The more we can zero in on our own habits, the quicker we can change directions and self-correct when we are wrong. Thereby, we can gain the benefits of new developments with less delay and avoid putting ourselves into too many positions worthy of a solid burn.
Take the Silly Quiz
Grab a pen, open a notes app, or just keep score in your head — unless you’re The Hair Splitter, in which case you’ve already opened a spreadsheet. Answer honestly. The goal here is not to “win,” because in this game, winning means discovering a bit of the dark inside your light. Which… okay, that’s a kind of win.
Questions
1. You hear a new idea that contradicts something you believe. Your first instinct is to:
A. Find the smallest possible flaw in their argument and magnify it like you’re hosting CSI: Semantic Crimes Unit.
B. Craft a devastating, Instagram-worthy roast.
C. Suggest they “do some research” — preferably research that proves you right.
D. Smile politely, say “I’ll think about that,” and then never think about it again.
E. Compliment their “creativity” in the same tone you’d use for a child’s macaroni art.
F. Smile and say, “Interesting idea… let me help you with that!” Even though you think it’s stupid. Then work extra slowly, miss deadlines or make mistakes, but all in a way that allows you plausible deniablity.
2. Your friend sends you a helpful article. You:
A. Highlight one typo and act like you’ve saved them from public disgrace.
B. Turn their point into a meme at their expense.
C. Skim just long enough to find the one line that’s obviously about their problem, not yours.
D. Never respond, but feel a bit guilty when you see them next.E. Read the first paragraph, then begin composing a long reply about what the author really meant.
F. Comment on the layout or font more than the content.
3. You’re at a meeting and a new idea is proposed. You:
A. Say, “I think we’re overlooking one critical detail,” and then go deep into the weeds.
B. Crack a joke so good the whole room forgets the original idea.
C. Wonder aloud if the proposer has “personal motives” they’re not sharing.
D. Nod and say, “Let’s circle back to that later,” which means never.
E. Suggest an “improvement” that reframes the entire problem making the proposer’s idea look ridiculous.
F. Offer a “helpful” suggestion that only creates minor confusion.
4. Someone challenges one of your long-held beliefs. You:
A. Start fact-checking them in real time.
B. Laugh and say, “That’s adorable.”
C. Tell a long story that illustrates how other people have been wrong in this exact way before.
D. Let them finish, then ghost them forever.
E. Shift the focus to their tone or “emotional state,” subtly making them the problem.
F. Compliment them on their courage while hinting they’re naive.
Results (not a scientific study)
Mostly A’s — The Hair Splitter
Critic Style: You’re the Sherlock Holmes of irrelevant details. Nothing gets past you — except the big picture. Ouch!
Possible Defense Mechanism: Intellectualization — you dodge uncomfortable truths (like feeling inadequate) by drowning them in technicalities.
Growth Tip: Next time, let a tiny imperfection slide. Big ideas can survive small flaws.
Mostly B’s — The Roaster
Critic Style: You wield humor like a sword, slicing arguments (and egos) with precision burns.
Possible Defense Mechanism: Displacement — turning potential discomfort into laughs at someone else’s expense.
Growth Tip: Keep the wit, lose the deflection. Ask yourself: what part of this actually makes me uneasy?
Mostly C’s — The Mirror Thrower
Critic Style: Even when you’re dead on in your critique, somehow it says more about your insecurities than anything else.
Possible Defense Mechanism: Projection — attributing your own thoughts, feelings, or flaws to other people so you can keep your mental self-portrait perfectly airbrushed. That’s how Dorian Gray stays so handsome!
Growth Tip: Try holding the mirror steady long enough to notice your own reflection; it’s less scary when you realize everyone’s got smudges too.
Mostly D’s — The Polite Ghoster
Critic Style: You’re gracious to people’s faces and a Houdini when it comes to follow-up.
Possible Defense Mechanism: Avoidance — sidestepping discomfort by disappearing.
Growth Tip: Be brave! You don’t have to agree, but try engaging in one honest conversation before vanishing. It’s the only way people will get to know you.
Mostly E’s — The Puppetmaster Critic
Critic Style: You rarely confront ideas head-on — why use a hammer when you can pull invisible strings? Your critiques slip into conversations like a skilled stagehand moving scenery in the dark.
PossibleDefense Mechanism: Projective Identification. You subtly provoke others into expressing the flaws or emotions you suspect they have, then point to those very reactions as proof.
Growth Tip: Stop casting people as your emotional stunt doubles. Let them be themselves—and deal with your own stuff, even if you need help doing that.
Mostly F’s — The Subtle Saboteur
Critic Style: You rarely attack head-on — your critiques are disguised as compliments, questions, or footnotes that slowly unravel the conversation.
Possible Defense Mechanism: Passive-aggression. You express hostility indirectly to protect yourself from conflict while still influencing outcomes.
Growth Tip: Say what you mean — politely but clearly. Others will respect you more, and you’ll stop wasting energy on secret little revenge loops.
Closing
Whichever critic you are, congratulations — you’re in good company. Humans have been up to these tricks since before the Greeks built the Parthenon. Did you score high on more than one? Join the club. The challenge of being a human is how clever we are at changing up our strategy to avoid uncertainty and maintain control. But now that you know maybe you can catch yourself when you are going too far.
I have at turns resembled several of these remarks. Life is a learning experience. If you’re feeling brave, share your results in the comments, or you could always let me know what’s wrong with this quiz!
(Imagine this as fine print) For amusement purposes, not a formal diagnosis. Genuine mistakes and well meaning behaviors can appear like defenses. Your milage may vary.
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Housekeeping
It’s been a very busy week, with some many balls in the air, I’ve lost count. I have this sinking feeling that I scheduled something for Monday, and didn’t write it down. Naturally that will make for a relaxing weekend.
Local rains have brought out box turtles. Poppet and I ran across this one with a pretty shell on a walk.
On the Bookshelf
Reading has happened. I swear it! Though less than I would have liked and with less note taking than I want. Technically I’ve finished several of these books, but I can’t seem to part with them on this list yet.
Accreditation on the Edge: Challenging Quality Assurance in Higher Education by Susan D. Phillips
The Case Against Education by Bryan Caplan
The Licensing Racket: How We Decide Who Is Allowed to Work, and Why It Goes Wrong by Rebecca Haw Allensworth
Moral Calculations: Game Theory, Logic and Human Frailty by Laszlo Mero
The New Know-nothings: The Political Foes of the Scientific Study of Human Nature by Morton Hunt
The New Oxford Annotated Bible with Apocrypha: New Revised Standard by Marc Brettler, Carol Newsom, Pheme Perkins
Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman! Adventures of a Curious Character by Richard Feynman
We Have Never Been Woke: The Cultural Contradictions of the New Elite by Musa al-Gharbi
“Whatever It Is, I’m Against It”: Resistance to Change in Higher Education by Brian Rosenberg
Your Consent Is Not Required by Rob Wipond. ←— READ THIS BOOK!
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About
Diogenes in Exile began after I returned to grad school to pursue a master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the University of Tennessee. What I found instead was a program saturated in Critical Theories ideology—where my Buddhist practice was treated as invalidating and where dissent from the prevailing orthodoxy was met with hostility. After witnessing how this ideology undermined both ethics and the foundations of good clinical practice, I made the difficult decision to walk away.
Since then, I’ve dedicated myself to exposing the ideological capture of psychology, higher education, and related institutions. My investigative writing has appeared in Real Clear Education, Minding the Campus, The College Fix, and has been republished by the American Council of Trustees and Alumni. I also speak and consult on policy reform to help rebuild public trust in once-respected professions.
Occasionally, I’m accused of being funny.
When I’m not writing or digging into documents, you’ll find me in the garden, making art, walking my dog, or guiding my kids toward adulthood.
Great article to start the morning. I didn't feel defensive even though "I have at turns resembled several of these remarks." My defense now is to say "It's complicated"; "The truth is somewhere in the middle; and "I blame both sides for the current unproductive debate and authoritarian behaviors."